living someone else’s dream, one flash bulb at a time.

It seems the gossip pages these days are slimmer than a Wall Street broker’s wallet, and the usual go-to sites for the scoop on NYC celebrity finally had to address the gossip column content crisis of 2009. Gawker outlined a pretty detailed list of reasons there has been a scant amount of attention paid to celebs or their scandal. One proposal made is that because no one has any money, no one wants to read about or watch the fabulous lives of celebs and socialites since there isn’t a hope in hell anyone could ever afford to party or shop like their favourite E! characters. Ummm…..I didn’t have two nickels to rub together last year just like this year, but you bet your ass I was watching Britney assault SUV’s with an umbrella, and I loved every minute of it.  Furthermore, if I did have even a fraction of the money it took to live the life of a beloved and famous Housewife, I’d be too busy swiping my black card at Barney’s to read Page Six (may it rest in peace).

Celebrity obsession has and always will be about escapism.  Sure people have problems right now. The majority of Americans had problems last year and two years before that and ten years before that. We read about the disasters of the rich and famous because we want to forget about the fact there isn’t enough money in the bank to cover this month’s rent or that there is another round of lay offs going down at the office next week.  We laugh at the blunders of our favourite blonde socialite to keep from crying at the pathetic state of affairs we find ourselves living in.

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when confronted with a potential mate, DABA girls will circle twice and then sniff his wallet.

Dawn,

So, damn, you’ve been getting some ridicule and I’m pretty sure it’s not what you thought you were signing up for when you sat down with Ravi Somaiya for that little piece in the Times. But actually, wait, maybe I’m wrong about that. Did you really (really?!) not know what you were getting into (I mean, feasible enough since you overlooked the bumps in the road associated with that whole marrying a banker thing). I don’t know how on top of your Gawker you are, but it doesn’t take an RSS feed to figure out your story is their meat or better yet, you are. And yes, they’ll make you a webelebelibrity if that was your goal. Book deals don’t just fall out of the sky–except when they do, whatever.

But hey, maybe you could have gotten one on your own? The dreamy girl jobs, the promotions, the long shiny hair? I guess you just get tired of waiting for it especially when a short-cut was so there and, well, seize-able. So, Carpe Diem? Girl leaves Maine, gets big city job, meets big city people, marries them, sells-out, gets laughed at, writes book.

Love,

Ryan

photo courtesy of Platon; slightly altered

Here’s a conversation I imagine has been taking place in your hipper editorial conference rooms lately:

EDITOR: Guys, we need a story that’ll show readers we’re “with it,” and also one that will get people to buy the magazine.

REPORTER 1: I’d like to meet an attractive woman!

REPORTER 2: I’d prefer to work from the office if I could.

E: Hold on, my 9-year-old just emailed . . . oh, weird. Here’s some guy dressed in–is that from Tron? Wow, think of how long that must have taken.

R1: Oh yeah, I love Tron guy.

R2: Me too.

(pregnant silence)

E, R1, R2: Let’s do a story about internet fame, as if it’s some new phenomenon, and totally differentiable from fame generally.

E: Also try to format it like a list, like a how-to. Readers love that.

A volley of stories on Internet Fame have appeared recently.

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